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Dear Browser, Surfer or Drifter:

Welcome to www.billscheft.com, the official online headquarters for all shameless self-promotion of writer and urban wit Bill Scheft, author of the hilarious new novel EVERYTHING HURTS.

(If you are looking for relief from your household debt, the website you want is www.bills-heft.com. Obviously, there is a problem with your server. Let me talk to the hostess and see if I can get you another table....)

—Bill Scheft